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| new xanga everyone!!! Here it is
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=SecRetGetAwaY
that is where u'll find me!! | | |
| I kno i haven't written in awhile (thank u Ricky) i just haven't really had time ya kno!! Nuthin has really been going on i mean it's the week before skool starts n that sux big hairy monkey balls. But yea....i still think Alex n I rn't getting anywhere n i refuse to say anything cuz i don't want ot hurt him!! I mean maybe i do love him and i just need to look at sumthing different n if i don't like the something different i can go back to Alex and realize how much i luv. That sentence wuz just a bunch of babble but wutever. I have been sitting here going over a way to break up with him n every time i do i start to cry!!! Is that normal to cry like that? Or is it just plan crazy? I don't kno but i don't want to talk bout it anymore...i just want to see where things go. I just realized that i feel obligated to be with him. I mean no guy that doesn't like u would go buy u a gold diamond necklace or buy u a $50 MUSHI or writes ur name on his arm or buy u monkeys (which is my favorite animal of all time)!! Not just any guy would do that would he?!?!?! | | |
| I seriously thing this is my for PMS!!!! I'm not even kidding you i'm so fucking tired of being a girl...PMS fucking sux!!! I mean i ahte to think and i hate to think that i really don't want to be with Alex when in truth I luv him soo much and i can't picture him not in my life!! I mean it sucked before i met him and then i met him and everything was perfect!! Things actual went the way i wanted it!! Now i'm sitting here thinking maybe i really don't love him maybe it's just me making everybody happy like always!!!! But then i it there and think wut the hell..........I LOVE ALEX AND WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIM!! So wuts my problem right?...........
God i feel like crying but i have no tears!!!I hate being so alone all the time. I need someone here to just hold me and tell me everything is ok......but i can't even make that happen!
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| Somtimes i need you. Somtimes i just can't live w/o seein u. Somtimes i feel guilty. Somtimes i feel like i'm betraying my one true love. But i can't stop thinking about u and i always have to see u. No matter wut day it is or time it is. I just have to be around u and see u and at least try o make u happy. I kno i could never could. I kno i never would. You're unhappy and i have to respect that. I like the sound of ur voice. I like how the sun shines on ur hair. I like how ur deep brown eyes actually care that i'm there. I understand wut u do and y u do it even tho i don't like it. I like the way u help ur family. I like the way u make everything seem ok. Even when u hurt inside and can't make everythnig ok for u. You might not think i understand y u do it but really i do. I just choose to act like i don't.I just want u to kno that i'm in like with u.
Ok now that i got that outta my sydtem i can now rest easy knoing that i got it out n i shouldn't think about it anymore!!!
Ok so today i'm over at Anne's n we go to her neighbors to jump on their MOONBOUNCE(which by the way wuz so awsomely fun)!!! So me n Anne are wrestling n having a grand ol' time!! So i wuz like "I'm going to give u a Titty Twister. And it's gonna hurt soo bad!" So i reached for her tit(that sounds so lesbian but i swear it's not like that) and she stops me n is all like "I'm going to give u a Twitty Tister." Then she made this funny face n is all like " Wait that's not right a Twi....man i can't say it" I carcked up for like 20 minutes! It wuz so funny. Then these 3 little kids come over n they brought lawn chairs with them n were watching us fight...like it wuz WWE!! I wuz like ok i'm getting out these is just a little too weird...but ended up getting back in and then Ricky came out n watched us! It wuz so strange but wutever!!!
Now i'm home trying to find sumthing to do!! But i'm having no luck. But i better go n get a shower so i'll be ready when Alex calls.
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| U kno i've been thinking ALOT today!! n i've come to the conclusion that i really seriously love Alex!! I kno it's a RANDOM thing but i'm serious!! But another thing i've been thinking about is that i'm afraid i'm going to do somthing so incredibly STUPID that i'm going to lose him!! Like maybe cheat on him to make my life a living SOAP OPERA!!! But then another thing that i've been thinking about is that i want to MARRY him....why....becuz i DON'T want to do that incredibly stupid thing i mentioned earlier!! Yet another thing i wuz thinking about wuz wut if i FOUND someone else that just made my heart beat soo FAST that i couldn't resist him!! i kno that sounds stupid...but then i thought wut if he only makes my heart BEAT fast becuz i can't have him for NUMEROUS reasons(one being i'm so madly in love with Alex)!!! Then i just kept thinking about all this it wuz all just RUNNING thru my mind in CIRCLES and things kept piling up and i couln't talk to anybody about it cuz no one wuz around!! Then i wuz thinking this other GUY (who just happens to be a LIFEGUARD at the pool i go to) i just wanna grab him and kiss him...why i had the URGE to do that.... i don't kno!! But i did n i don't kno why, just something came over me!! Of course i didn't KISS him though....i'm not FUCKING stupid....i have a b/f that i love dearly!!! But anyways i would do anything to TELL somebody but since i can't tell anybody cuz of fear Alex finding out would just about KILL me n him both!!!
Well that's all i can write for today Alex is calling!! Good night all! | | |
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